Belly Flops

i want to be original.
A belly flop. That's what i want to be.
At the jelly belly factory, there is someone whose job is to sit in a chair while thousands of Jelly Bellys pass them by, picking out all the "messed up" jelly beans. They pick pick pick out the too fat, too small, too deformed, too squashed, too oblong jelly beans, and then package all the "Belly Flops" together to resell them.
Each Belly Flop is original. Irregular, if you will. I want to be one.

I'm so tired of trying to be a regular jelly bean. It feels like its too late to be belly flop but then again, its never too late.

I'm still suffering from decidophobia...but my vital signs are looking better and i actually am facing the decisions i'm having to make. And not on my own. It's been so hard to turn to God for these decisions lately. I think mainly because I don't know what He thinks about my situation. I know it sounds odd, but ignorance is bliss or me. And...unwillingly, that's changing. Everything is changing.

Little do some may know, that i really would prefer too keep things safe, and easy and go to Fresno State. I want to cry when i think about not living in Fresno, close to my family, in my own bed, driving around MY town, with my friends, knowing everyone and their mother's cats. For some reason I'm not supposed to do that. I don't know how long I'm going to be away...i don't know WHY...but I am.

Deuteronomy 11:13-15
So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today—to love the LORD your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul- then I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and oil. I will provide grass in the fields for your cattle, and you will eat and be satisfied.

g-o. go go! come on Jordan lets go!

If you have the opportunity to go, you should go.

If you have the opportunity to go, you should go.

If you have the opportunity to go, you should go.
If you have the opportunity to go, you should go.
If you have the opportunity to go, you should go.
If you have the opportunity to go, you should go.

Birthdays are weird.
Each year everyone has one. At one point or another. And after each year they seem to get less and less spectacular. Now, I don't know if it's just me...and really think it is, because everyone i talk to say they don't feel any different, but every birthday i have i feel significantly older. Especially THIS birthday. i didn't really do anything astounding today...just hung out. It was good though...not having an agenda.
I'm really tired. I know that's lame that on my 18th birthday that i went to bed before 10...but, really, i don't care. I celebrated last night...and tomorrow too. But today was MY day. and I wanted to relax. The older i get , the more i want to relax and simplify things. I don't know if its me trying to preserve my youth...or jus being plain lazy.

Yes...i am a bit young to be talking about preserving my youth. I'm only 18. But still...ONLY 18? it's starting to sound oxymoronic to me.

Sadie's was fun last night. Jeff broke his wrist in the first 15 minutes though. Poor guy. It was those dang inflatable obstacle courses. Can't trust em...

I wish i wasn't so tired. Oh well :) Time for bed!

Here's to another year of living and being young!

Decidophobia

Things have been changing lately. I love when things change. I just don't like the process. If i could change something, i would rather just push a button, or turn a page, or something that only involves a One Step process. Maybe because i don't like decisions. I think i have a phobia.

Decidophobia

and yes. that is the technical name.
Not even joking.

Lately I've been doing everything in my power (which isn't a whole lot) to not make decisions. I think people that HAVE Decidophobia have i because it feels like every decision they've made always backfires on them. That's kind of whats going on right now. At least with making plans. My plans never turn out--NEVER--the way they're supposed to. *SIGH*

It's hard asking God o decide for me. It's weird though. I'm scared of making decisions, yet i won't let someone...*ahem*excuse me...the CREATOR of the UNIVERSE...make them for me. Sounds pretty smart doesn't it?

I just have too much in my life. TOOO much. I have Mexico training sessions, i have school dances, i have mission trips, i have homework, i have work, i have this and that and this and that. When does it stop? when do i have to say "STOP".

"oh, but...it'll be over in a week..."

Yeah Jordan... it'll be over in a week. Just in time for you to commit to something else for another 3 weeks.

I frustrate myself. ARGH.