Belly Flops

i want to be original.
A belly flop. That's what i want to be.
At the jelly belly factory, there is someone whose job is to sit in a chair while thousands of Jelly Bellys pass them by, picking out all the "messed up" jelly beans. They pick pick pick out the too fat, too small, too deformed, too squashed, too oblong jelly beans, and then package all the "Belly Flops" together to resell them.
Each Belly Flop is original. Irregular, if you will. I want to be one.

I'm so tired of trying to be a regular jelly bean. It feels like its too late to be belly flop but then again, its never too late.

I'm still suffering from decidophobia...but my vital signs are looking better and i actually am facing the decisions i'm having to make. And not on my own. It's been so hard to turn to God for these decisions lately. I think mainly because I don't know what He thinks about my situation. I know it sounds odd, but ignorance is bliss or me. And...unwillingly, that's changing. Everything is changing.

Little do some may know, that i really would prefer too keep things safe, and easy and go to Fresno State. I want to cry when i think about not living in Fresno, close to my family, in my own bed, driving around MY town, with my friends, knowing everyone and their mother's cats. For some reason I'm not supposed to do that. I don't know how long I'm going to be away...i don't know WHY...but I am.

Deuteronomy 11:13-15
So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today—to love the LORD your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul- then I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and oil. I will provide grass in the fields for your cattle, and you will eat and be satisfied.